When I was a boy growing up on Air Force bases in the 70s, of course we started every day in school reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. Being an Air Force "brat" there was really no question about being a patriot - it was something I absorbed by osmosis from as early as I can remember. Everything around us, from my father's uniform to our neighbors to the bases we lived on simply shouted AMERICA! Saying that Pledge every morning, those words "with Liberty and Justice for all" really meant something to me, something integral to my very being.
When I was 17, I joined the military myself, opting for the US Navy and spending more than 8 years there. Over 5 of those years were spent in the Trident nuclear missile fleet out of Bangor, Washington doing patrols in the Reagan Cold War era. Now as anyone who has seen "Sharks of Steel" or actually served on a submarine knows, there is not much you can do in the military that gets much more intimate than serving on board a submarine. Believe me - when you return from a 75+ day patrol on a nuclear missile submarine, you
really know your shipmates. You don't really have any choice. I lived with those men, I cooked for them, I slept next to them, I even cut their hair. And yes, many - if not most - of them knew that I was gay. Did they care? Not in the slightest. All they cared about was getting their meals cooked on time and tasting good, or was I going to screw up when I cut their hair.
When I left my "sea duty" tour I went to "shore duty" down at Naval Station San Diego, otherwise known as 32nd Street, where I worked for for nearly 3 years managing the barracks. (This was a serious eye opener for me as a gay man in the Navy. I've got news for anyone who thinks there are "an estimated 10% or less" of gay people in the military - you are kidding yourselves.) During this time I got excellent performance evaluations (as usual), was instrumental in winning the barracks a Navy-wide award for barracks-management, helped organize and install an automated computer management system (one of the first in the Navy at the time), and was awarded the Navy Achievement Medal (one of the highest non-combat awards possible) for writing a computer program that saved the Navy millions of dollars a year.
So why did I leave the Navy? Two reasons: 1, it was 1993 and Don't Ask, Don't Tell was on the horizon - I policy I simply could not support or live with. 2. I could see how corrupt and mismanaged the Navy was becoming, especially during Desert Storm, and I could no longer sit by quietly and support them with my silence. I saw Civil Service positions being created out of the blue, specifically for the purpose of creating jobs for military men who were retiring that wanted a cushy job after retirement - for twice the pay they were getting while enlisted, but of course still getting their retirement pay. I saw people getting raped by senior personnel and the issue getting swept under the rug, because the victims were lower rank and 'unimportant'. I saw regulations being violated repeatedly, however, nothing was done about it because careers would be ruined.
I saw a scramble every September to "fill the budget" in every department throughout the command. The CO would send out a memo telling everyone to "cut costs" and trim the budget, but of course that's not what was happening. What really was happening was an unsaid message of "here's our proposed budget: If you don't have line items to fill it up, make sure you add some now, or you lose your money". Sure enough, every year whatever money was proposed in the budget was always filled, whether it was really needed or not. I mean, how many times do you really need to repaint the same buildings, when the paint job is rated for 7 years, and you do it over every 6 months? This is the way we try to balance the budget?
Of course, there's the whole social aspect of being gay in the Navy (or the military in general). Obviously I could do my job - there was NO question about that whatsoever. You don't get the kind of awards and commendations that I received during my Navy service if you can't do your job. Nor is this about sex, national security, unit cohesion, or any of the other BS arguments that are being banded about so frequently by supporters of DADT. This is about
being human.
I cannot even being to count the number of times that I had to sit and listen to 'the guys' gathered around during my 8 years of service, talking about their latest sexual exploits, their wives, their girlfriends, their families, their upcoming weddings, any number of subjects that are normal, every day subjects for a normal person to talk about when having a discussion with friends. Gays do not want to serve openly in the military in order to "flaunt their sexuality"! They want to do it so they can live their lives!
Imagine being locked up in a metal tube for 80 days under the water, isolated from everything and everyone you know for that entire time, except for the 175 or so men that went with you. During that entire time you basically did nothing but work and sleep, with very little in the way of distractions or relaxation. Eight times while out to sea, you can get a short message from your loved ones, sent by radio, called a "FamilyGram". When you finally get back to port, you are met at the dock by a huge party! Everyone on the ship has a special loved one, girlfriend or wife, waiting for them with a huge hug and kiss as soon as they cross the gangplank.
Except you. You got no FamilyGram from your loved one, because it would raise too many questions about why someone of the same sex who was "unrelated" sent you a message. You can't put a picture up by your rack, because someone might see it and ask questions. You can't really even bring the pictures with you because someone might see them and ask questions - after all, just having the picture would be "telling". You certainly can't have that dockside Homecoming like everyone else! After all, you kissing another man might "offend" someone else.
Forget about sharing stories or anecdotes with your friends. Sure, you can play the "change the gender" game as some do, but sooner or later you are probably going to slip up as many do, which is going to land you in trouble. So you end up being lonely, left out, miserable and depressed. If you are really lucky, there is a trusted someone that you can talk to onboard, so you won't be totally alone, but it's just not the same.
Marriage? Forget about it. Some probably do, in secret. Before Prop 8 was destroyed by the California Supreme Court, California did offer a "Confidential" Marriage License option that could have been (was?) taken advantage of by military members. Actually, I have seen reference to a lesbian officer who currently serves on an aircraft carrier who is married, going through exactly the same circumstances I have described here. The Navy, at least when I was in it, was always going on about how they couldn't do their jobs without the love and support of the family. How ironic that they are fighting so hard to prevent such a large percentage of their people from having the opportunity to build families and gain that support, based merely on the basis of who they love.
So after all of this, why am I sharing all of this and what does it have to do with "Libery and Justice for All"? It's really quite simple. All of the ones arguing to keep DADT keep using arguments about how allowing gays in the military will "harm" the OTHER military members, but were are the arguments about the harm that DADT is doing to the gay men and women now? What about the human side of the equation? Where exactly IS the Liberty and Justice for All in the organization that is supposed to be protecting these very principles for America?
It's time for America to wake up and stop worrying about whether or not some macho, over-sensitive, bigoted man is going to have his penis seen in the shower by a gay man. It's time to stop worrying about how some people
might be offended, for whatever reason, and think about how gay men and women
are being offended every single day when they have to stifle their true selves simply to serve their country as true patriots.
It's time, America. It's time, Mr. Obama. Learn from the past, forget antiquated prejudices, learn from countries like Canada, Australia, the UK and Uruguay.
Repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell now.
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